those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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