Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Acid is not a monday night drug
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
