i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The Olympian is in my bed
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize