you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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