I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
