my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
