If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
