I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
