Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize