farters have to be the big spoon...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
