I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
