There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
