there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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