I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
