3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
