When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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