That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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