The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
