He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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