We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
