nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
