Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
