Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
