Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
we're making bets on your personal life
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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