I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Mom said you looked used
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
