i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
