can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
