I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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