Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize