My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
