So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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