I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
