I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
