Come see our sink grown plant.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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