Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
