there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
