Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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