get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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