Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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