Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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