I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize