First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
