i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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