We won't sleep together?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
