just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
