I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
