Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
