Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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