I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
