I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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