remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
