take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
