My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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