So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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