Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
