Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
