their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
please come you make the beer taste better
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
