i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize