Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
