I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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