maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she woke up with a sticky ear
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
