I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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