It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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