where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
