I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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