she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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