as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
