I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize