i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
