alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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