i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
