mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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