So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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