I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
