Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
