i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
being pregnant is like rehab
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
